Apparently, this Valentine’s Day which is rapidly approaching, love is not dead, it is just on a budget.

Sweethearts, the tiny chalky candies that have been quietly narrating our romantic lives since before texting ruined punctuation, have decided to read the room and the room, it turns out, is checking its credit card statement.

According to new research, three-quarters of Americans are hunting for more affordable dating or relationship options this year, admitting the economy has taken a very personal interest in their Valentine’s plans.

In response, Sweethearts has introduced a new line of conversation hearts that speak less Romeo & Juliet and more Excel spreadsheet.

Forget BE MINE.

This year it’s SPLIT RENT.

Instead of KISS ME, we get CAR POOL.

Romance, but with a Costco membership.

Love in 2026 isn’t just about chemistry it is about compatible spending habits and whether you are willing to share a login without changing the password. Nothing says commitment like BUY N BULK.

So here we are, rapidly approaching Valentine’s Day where love is fiscally responsible.

In 2026, the American public is dealing with a plethora of harsh realities and frankly the truisms about  modern dating and marriage are bleak.

I will spell it out for you without the candy heart aids.

I do not know any interested party looking for love or in love who will be impressed by a box of Sweetheart candies, but if reality is your thing then have at it.

In my humble opinion proceed cautiously with a financially frugal Valentine.

Having doubts? Buy yourself some fabulous chocolate and keep looking or withhold from your significant other 😎