Mixing pleasure with alleged pleasure.

Recently spent quality time with one of my two favorite people.

We met for a foot massage and a bite.

Since we were on the upper west side we decided to troll the ‘hood for as Queen E. would say, a “nice” meal.

In the same block as the massage place was Haven, a highly rated, intimate neighborhood restaurant.

It was Happy Hour so why not.

Haven, on the Upper West Side, bills itself as a cozy neighborhood escape. Think sanctuary, maybe a candle or two that whispers hang with us!

Unfortunately, what the candles don’t whisper, the food blurts out loudly. You could have stayed home.

The décor is pleasant enough, like a Pottery Barn clearance aisle.

The vibe aims for warm retreat, but the menu feels like it’s on sabbatical. Appealing items arrived stripped of both confidence and seasoning.

Service was fine.

The place was empty at 5:30. We hopped on a stool at the small bar and did a deep dive into the short and sweet Happy Hour menu.

The woman in charge tempted us with a Mule with vodka, lime juice and ginger beer. For $10 it was not a huge gamble. Too sweet. The fresh mint was the highlight.

The Happy Hour menu was brief yet appealing. Sadly, everything we desired was unavailable.

We reluctantly chose Deviled Eggs with Smoked Salmon. The salmon pieces were tasteless and the deviled egg was meh ($8).

The other selection was a throwback item, Onion Dip with Chips. My vintage version made with classic Lipton’s Onion Soup Dip mixed with Wegman’s sour cream stored in my dorm mini fridge was tastier. At least the chips were good ($8).

Haven is not bad enough to rant about or good enough to recommend. It occupies that vast gray space of mediocrity, which in a city like New York where you can get a decent falafel at 3 a.m. from a cart, is the culinary equivalent of phoning it in. You don’t leave angry, you leave shrugging.

If you’re seeking a true refuge, you would be better off in the nearest bodega with a bag of chips and a lottery ticket. At least there, the odds of satisfaction are slightly higher.

Still hungry we strolled down Amsterdam Avenue and came upon Sala Thai.

The placed was buzzing. A table was available.

The attractive, thematic restaurant was happening.

We chuckled over our table which still featured a Covid plexiglass divider.

Sala Thai is the kind of place that wants to be your neighborhood Thai gem.

The décor is ambitious, leather seats, murals, gold light fixtures.

Server was friendly, but neurotically uptight.

The Massamun Curry with Beef was very good, but the spice level was too high for me ($21)

The Pad Se-Ew with Squid while delicious with firm noodles and well prepared squid arrived lukewarm which is unacceptable ($20).

From the limited dishes that we ordered, Sala Thai is fine.

My foray into previously unknown neighborhood restaurants was a flop.

At least the foot massage was pleasurable.

Haven 226 West 79th Street New York City. Open daily for dinner. Reservations on Resy.com.

Sala Thai 307 Amsterdam Avenue New York City. Open daily for lunch and dinner. Reservations on OpenTable.com.