Happiness, like a good soufflé, is rumored to require precision, patience, and perfection.

Entire industries have been built around chasing happiness…retreats, supplements, cold plunges, hot yoga, sex toys, retail therapy, blow bars guaranteeing good hair days and Ozempic.

But after years of careful observation I have concluded that happiness is less a destination and more a pantry item.

You already have most of the ingredients. You just forget they are there.

I have thrown together a list of necessary ingredients to insure a level of happiness.

A hot stove item is to lower expectations, but not too low.

Expectations are tricky. Too high and you’re perpetually disappointed that your life does not resemble a Nancy Meyers Rom-Com. Too low and you’re celebrating when what appears to be magic as in the Wi-Fi reconnects without calling Spectrum.

Expect competence, welcome delight, and treat anything above that like finding an ideal parking spot as a spiritual experience.

Additional ingredients include being seen and recognized by friends, partners and work associates even in small ways. This can feed the soul.

Another necessary ingredient is a sense of humor, especially as you age.

There comes a moment in adulthood when your body parts begin forecasting weather more accurately than the local meteorologist.

Youth is thinking happiness is running a marathon. Maturity is realizing happiness is walking down the stairs normally without falling. Laughing at the slow betrayals of the body is not denial, it is advanced wisdom.

Remember, curiosity is part of the mixture. Curiosity keeps life from shrinking. It nudges you into new restaurants, unfamiliar neighborhoods, conversations with people outside your algorithm, exotic travel.

It reminds you that the world is still wider than your routines and that trying something new will not, in fact, kill you.

Add in a short memory for annoyances. Let it go, especially if it is your spouse.  Holding onto irritation is like eating flour when you are lactose intolerant. It will come back to bite you in the ass.

Another mandatory ingredient is having something to grab onto that is entirely yours. A morning walk. A vintage car restoration. A blog. A morning swim. A ritual martini. Twenty minutes with a book. Not productive. Not optimized. Not monetized.

Just yours.

In a world obsessed with scale, happiness is often stubbornly small and wonderfully personal.

And do not forget to fold in perspective. At some point you realize that nearly everything you once lost sleep over has drifted into irrelevance…the job you didn’t get, the person who didn’t call, the guy who dumped you, the girlfriend who betrayed you over a guy. Life has a way of sanding down what once felt jagged. This is not indifference. It is freedom.

Happiness is not a permanent state. Anyone who claims otherwise is high, drunk, delusional or just a braggy brag pain in the butt.

Happiness comes in flashes like a song in the car, a perfectly cooked meal, an unexpected call, a puppy, a call from your amazing daughter, a shared glance across a table, a NY Giants win, a thrilling, satisfying peek at your thighs because they look fit and trim in your new Lululemon leggings.

The mistake is thinking happiness is somewhere else, scheduled to begin later, after the promotion, the move, the renovation, meeting Mr. Right, the financial windfall, the ten pounds, after the kids are out of the house and you are a couple again.

More often, happiness is already sitting beside you, wondering why you keep looking past it.

So assemble the ingredients, imperfectly. Substitute freely.

Ignore any recipe that insists on perfection.

Happy Valentine’s Day. Please don’t worry, just be happy💜