Expired, Expired, Expired.

Obsessed, I despise the influencer’s hugely overused word, but sometimes it does vividly describe what I am feeling.

I am constantly obsessed regarding the expiration dates on food.

As with checking for chin hairs, I check the contents of my refrigerator and pantry with great regularity.

Today I cheated.

I pulled out the Hellmann’s mayonnaise and noticed that it expired in May 2026, two weeks prior.

I was torn and my daughter, who is second generation expired obsessed, was not in the room.

I tasted the mayo. Frankly, it tasted just like unexpired mayo. I succumbed because the 3 opened cans of Bumble Bee tuna needed addressing.

The obsession grew from Queen E. who had absolutely no regard for expiration dates.

Later in life my daughter and I would visit my mother in Connecticut, decimating her refrigerator and pantry. We found items that were purchased when my father was still alive and he had been gone ten years.

Florida expiration dates surpassed anything up north.

One visit we had asked if my mom had any Diet Coke in the house. She enthusiastically answer, “Yes! An entire case on the patio!”

We were already dubious because the patio was outside and exposed to Florida heat.

We grabbed the case of Diet Coke.

The year we were imbibing was December 2018. The expiration date was July 2017.

My mom responded in classic defense mode, claiming that she just bought the soda at Publix and someone must have stocked the shelves with old merchandise.

The expiration police squad investigations were accelerated from that moment on.

I must admit when my daughter plans on dropping by I immediately don the lavender rubber gloves and perform an intense full refrigerator body search, afraid that I will be outed for possession of an expired item and follow in my mom’s footsteps.

It is an obsession that I come by naturally and just can’t quit😎

On to freezer burn, yet another obsession due to childhood trauma.